I’m a gay guy who’s involved in a man We came across a couple of months before COVID-19 became popular. He’s a guy that is great smart, funny, hot, healthier, and simple become around. It began being a hookup, but we now have chemistry on a few amounts and, without either of us being forced to state it, we began seeing one another frequently. The two of us reside alone and chose to be exclusive because of the pandemic. We actually don’t understand what we’re doing right here. It’s some mix of buddies, screw buddies, and married few all on top of that.
I needed to simply keep a thing that is good but he just tossed me personally a curveball that We need help finding out the way to handle. Out of nowhere, he explained he held back once again telling me personally about their foot fetish. He says he’s had really experiences that are bad dudes who weren’t involved with it. He’s been keeping it to himself and seeking at material on the web. I’m pretty vanilla and never involved with it, but I’m sure kinks are really a thing for a number of dudes and I’m prepared to help you good man. I’m a longtime audience of yours, Dan, being GGG is important for me. Therefore he was asked by me to share with me personally exactly exactly what this means and just exactly just what he really wants to do. He really wants to massage, wash, and kiss my legs and draw my toes. Okay, that is maybe perhaps not hot in my opinion, nonetheless it’s probably doable every now and then. He, fortunately, does not require us to do just about anything together with his legs.
But there clearly was more. We can’t think I’m writing this: he asked him paint my toenails sometimes if I would let! WTF? He could hardly state it and seemed sorts of unwell after he did. We’re both traditional cis males. Neither of us are into fem material. He stated it is perhaps perhaps maybe not about making me personally femme. He says it is simply a hot thing for him. We know there’s no reason why individuals have kinks, but have you got any basic tips just exactly what this might be about? I did son’t respond after all and we also haven’t talked about any of it since. I’m perhaps not happy with that. I’m freaked down by this and never yes things to label of it. We don’t want to inquire of him straight should this be the cost of admission, because that appears too large a cost to really pay and I don’t want it to be their cost.
– Freaked Out Over Terrific Person’s Erotic Revelation Vibe
From your panicked response, FOOTPERV, you’d think this bad man desired to cut your feet down and masturbate even though you bled away. Dude. He simply really wants to paint your toenails—as rates go, that’s a extremely tiny cost to purchase smart, funny, and hot.
Yeah, yeah: you’re both conventionally cis and presumably conventionally masculine. Since we’ll can’t say for sure just exactly what caused him to possess this kind of kink—kinks actually are mysteries—let’s simply run with that: he believes it is hot—or their cock thinks this really is hot—because guys like you aren’t designed to have painted toenails and dudes like him aren’t supposed to paint toenails, FOOTPERV, and also this tiny transgression against gender norms makes their dick difficult as it does. Although it’s never the outcome along with kinks, in this situation the obvious description may be the likeliest description. Moving on…
You state he’s a good man; you say you like being with him; and also you say you’re a longtime audience. And that means you had to understand that we was gonna say this: purchase some fucking nail enamel currently and then leave it in the nightstand where they can notice it and allow him paint your fucking toenails.
And out to have polished toenails—or if your masculinity is really so fragile it shatters under the weight of toenail polish—then you don’t have to do it again if you really hate it, FOOTPERV, if it freaks you. But we also gotta state that as off-the-wall intimate needs go, this can be an ask that is small. As a urinal and you weren’t into piss, I would totally give you a pass if you were claustrophobic and your boyfriend wanted to mummify you, FOOTPERV, or if he wanted to use you. Some intimate needs are big asks, in addition to G that is third in (“good, offering, and game”) has long been qualified: “game for anything—within explanation. ” Some requests that are sexual huge asks; some rates of admission are too steep; and some desires is only able to be accommodated by individuals who share them. But this request—what your COVID-19 partner would like to do in order to you—is a tiny ask and a small cost, FOOTPERV, certainly not much like being changed into a mummy or utilized being a urinal. Therefore smoke cigarettes a pot that is little place your feet regarding the good man’s lap, and attempt to get pleasure from the pleasure you’re giving.
I apologize if I sound a little impatient, FOOTPERV. We reside in a profoundly intercourse- and culture that is kink-negative our very very first response whenever a partner discloses a kink is oftentimes a knee-jerk negative reaction towards the notion of kinks at all. Into the minute, we could neglect to differentiate between your big ask/steep cost plus the tiny price that is ask/small. And I also wish you can observe the match this great, smart, funny, hot man had been spending you as he asked. He felt safe and secure enough to share with you one thing him for with you that other guys have judged and shamed. Make the match; choose the nail polish; spend the cost.
I will be 
a 37-year-old feminine whom almost 3 years ago got away from a six-year toxic, violent relationship with a person in my opinion We liked. For good, my life started to improve in so many ways after I left him. Nonetheless, it would appear that my as soon as very healthier intimate desires have actually died. Ever I haven’t felt any sexual needs or attraction toward anybody since we broke up. We honestly think there’s something very wrong beside me. We can’t also visualize myself intimacy that is having. Last year, we sought out on a few times with a guy more youthful than me personally; he had been adorable and incredibly thinking about me personally, but i recently didn’t have the connection. I truly don’t understand what to produce of the situation. Any advice is profoundly valued.
– Yet Another Gal
Would it be a coincidence? Besides ridding your self of a toxic and abusive ex—and that’s harder than individuals who haven’t experienced an abusive relationship usually understand,
And I’m therefore glad you have far from him—did something else take place 36 months ago that could’ve tanked your libido, JAG? Do you carry on meds in the time for despair or anxiety? Could an undiscovered medical problem that arrived on at approximately the exact same time produce a libido-tanking hormonal instability? Did you carry on a form that is new of control in expectation for the sex you’d quickly be having along with other, better, nicer, hotter, kinder men?
If nothing else is certainly going if you’ve had your hormone levels checked and they’re normal; if a new form of birth control isn’t cratering your libido—then the most obvious and likeliest answer is probably the correct one: three years after getting out of an abusive relationship, JAG, you’re still reeling from the trauma on—if you aren’t on meds for depression or anxiety. As well as the most readily useful advice is also well-known advice: look for a sex-positive specialist or counsellor who are able to assist you to function with your upheaval and reclaim your sex. Also I would still recommend seeing a counsellor or therapist if you were to get your hormone levels checked or adjust your psych meds or switch to a new birth-control method.
And also in the event that looked at being intimate with other people causes you stress and allows you to anxious, JAG, you are able to still explore sex that is solo. You don’t have actually to hold back for the proper hot child to show up so that you can reconnect along with your sex. It is possible to read or compose some erotica, you’ll splurge on a expensive adult toy (perhaps you have seen the brand new clit-sucking vibrators? ), you can view or create porn. Actually having fun could be the step that is first enjoying other people once again.